What do you believe in?

One of my favorite scenes from a baseball movie is the Crash Davis/”My, you do make speeches/What do you believe in?” soliloquy by Kevin Costner in Bull Durham…it goes:

“Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”

As a fan of baseball first, and that movie a far and distant place after that (there are better movies on the sport, but still a classic) I found it as a nice inspiration to let my readers know what Baseball Jones believes in…in no particular order of importance (the beauty of random thought and the ability to purge via blog…)

Well, I believe that God was either a masterful mad scientist/mechanical engineer with an incredibly strange sense of humor, or is the greatest piece of fiction ever invented by an author…I believe that we are not alone in this universe…I believe that every baseball player should learn how to bunt and be able to do so on command…I believe that there should be a constitutional amendment outlawing agents, domed stadiums, Astroturf, saves, holds, pitch-counts, and all other purely invented statistical categories like OPS, WHIP, etc. that is tainting the game and creating false importance for mathlete nerds and fantasy baseball geeks…I believe that there should never be an asterisk in any record book for any reason…I believe that the “steroid era”  is a crock of shit, and that players have been enhancing their performance (aka cheating) by any means available since the game was invented…I believe that the Hall of Fame should be torn down if it does not contain one Peter Edward Rose…I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald was a patsy, and the list of folks who wished JFK dead was longer than my arm, and somewhere at the top was his wife…I believe in opening your presents Christmas morning instead of Christmas Eve…I believe that (like the chicken and the egg) either the prostitute or the pimp was the world’s first entrepreneur, and that Capitalism was born with that first “service rendered”…I believe that “revenge is like serving cold cuts”…(“What’d I say”)…I believe that there should NOT be a salary cap, and that as long as they still play the games, ANYTHING can and eventually will happen, no matter what the payroll of the team, or the player salary figure is…and finally, I believe the Cubs will one day win another World Series, but I hope I am not around to witness it…

Of course, there is much, much more that I believe…but that’s a good start.  Please feel free to add your own thoughts…



Filed under Baseball, Chicago, Fan, Uncategorized, White Sox, WhiteSoxLifer

4 responses to “What do you believe in?

  1. I don’t think I can pinpoint a favorite baseball movie moment, but pretty much ALL of Major League. I guess I also enjoyed Baseketball. Especially when they were announcing the playoff brackets, great stuff! check out our blog http://doin-work.com

  2. Thanks Chappy, I will. Somehow I have managed to elude Baseketball to date, but will have to check it out. Agree on Major League…every time I see Dennis Haysbert, I am compelled to recite aloud…”It is very bad to drink Jobu’s rum…is very bad”

  3. jamie

    “it is very bad”

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